Friday Feb 11… stumbling into melancholia

I’m stumbling a little bit into the land of melancholia. Why? Well that’s the thing. I’ve known this whole week that Marrok and Arienne’s story is about to close. I’ve seen the resolution and I’m happy with the decisions that I’ve made about it but I’m still finding it hard. I was however doing ok and happily writing along that it until lunch. I decided to take a break, eat a turkey sandwich and finish watching The Time Travelers Wife. Oookay. Well how ++bleeping++ sad was that?! Ugh! I hate it when movies do that. They create this wonderful scenario where a man exists that loves his woman so much that he does all of this really great stuff to just be with her and then poof they kill him off. Is that like a certifiable reality check or what. Yup, I think so. The message here is clear… even if you do find happiness… your soul mate… the one you were meant for, well you too can lose it all in a heartbeat. Now me personally I would have told him to take the damn meds and stop the traveling stuff at least for that one night. It’s not like they weren’t forewarned. Ick, bad movie!

I believe that I’ve mentioned before how in awe I am of the concept of a soul mate/true love however you wish to personally phrase it. I still am in my dreams but in reality I have accepted that it is not for me and so I will continue to write my little heart out about it. And I won’t be killing the man or the woman in my stories. Who would want to read that? The only bittersweet I like is the chocolate chips in cookies… thank you very much! It sure as hell doesn’t belong in a story. Don’t we have enough of that in reality. Look at all of the people who lost loved ones on 9/11 if they had known don’t you think that they would have changed their plans for the day. I say hell yes they would have. 

Love is precious and yes sometimes fragile but if you are ever so lucky to find it then nuture and  cherish it. Know that love is a rare and wonderful gift that you’ve been given. A long time ago I wrote a poem, (oh yes, I was a teenager once too) and it was about two pieces of sand being tossed together by a wave and how briefly those two pieces of sand would interact. Clearly I don’t recall the verbage but you get the gist. If it were me I’d grab on with both hands and never let go.

Back to Marrok and Arienne. She has some emotional baggage and I knew that going into the story but today I realized what has been wrong with her all along. She has always harbored a secret fear that she is not good enough to be loved/not worthy of being loved. Her father left her mother when he found out she was pregnant because he didn’t want kids. Her mom blamed her and after she was born her mom blamed her for the loss of her meager powers. Her mom bailed on her and her grandparents raised her. So that’s why Arienne has always wondered if she was worthy of love. She reasoned that her grandparents “loved” her but to her mind as grandparents didn’t they have to? The only person in her life that she feels truly loves her is her best friend Emilie. That’s very sad for a woman in her early 30’s and to think what a powerful witch she is. She’s never let any man close and she’s used her power to deceive them into believing that they were lovers but it never was. She will accept the gift of Marrok’s love because he is her destiny (how great is that- I love that! “He was her destiny”) oh and lets not forget that she is his. Most definately! And Marrok, oh Gods I love Marrok. He is a stand up man. He has acted nobly throughout his life and he deserves to find love. I think I’ll let them have a daughter. That may not appear in the book and in fact I know it won’t but in a couple of years I will have to post a supplement about a special day in their lives, of them being happy together and they will have a young daughter whom Marrok will dote on. A man who is capable of loving like Marrok is will make an excellent father and the Gods wouldn’t be able to help the fool who came near her with any sort of threat in mind. I seriously doubt that there would be large enough chunks to indentify the remains as having been human. It’s the protective wolf in him, what can I say…

To everyone out there who has someone special in their lives, I shall toast you (it’s a bit early in the day… so later on this evening) with a glass of fine red wine. Grab the love of your life and kiss him/her senseless and revel in the feelings that flow between the two of you. THAT is what life is all about.


About katjameson

Evolving as we speak
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