Something that I saw today bothered me. Christine Ashworth and I were being our usual selves at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Which means we were getting caffeinated, writing and chatting. We hadn’t been there long when a man sat near us. He sat with his back to us so all I saw was a man in a dress shirt with dark hair. He was joined by a woman who I know was not his wife. Why. Because they weren’t whispering. I wasn’t trying to listen. First off I’m just not that interested in what you’re saying, unless I know you, then we’ll talk. I’m also not the sort that gets happy by listening to someone elses’ conversation.
Anyway, in this case when I leaned back to regroup my thoughts I heard snippets of what they were saying. And I saw their body language. I mean I really couldn’t miss it. It was rather intimate. As in if she could have crawled into his lap she would have. Now. It’s none of my business. None. But I started to feel bad after I heard him mention his five year old. It’s not just him now that will be effected. If a guy wants to cheat whatever, if a dad wants to cheat I have more of a problem. Icky. Seriously. I can understand being unhappy in a marriage. Honestly who can’t. If you look at our divorce rates we are more likely to be autistic or develop cancer than we are to have a happy marriage. What I can’t understand is affairs. Really people. I’m not dead. I have feelings and urges, whatever, like everyone. But if you don’t love your spouse don’t go and make yourself feel better by cheating I mean it. To me it makes about as much sense as eating several gallons of ice cream to get what you need out of your marriage. None.
Now let me ask you ladies. Could you ever really love a man who promised to love and honor another woman and then wanted to boink you. To what make himself feel manly again. Get the attention he doesn’t get anymore now that his wife is working full time outside and inside the home taking care of their 2 kids so she is too tired to doll up in a sexy nighty and have marathon sex to stroke your male ego. Naw. We (I have to speak for all self respecting women) wouldn’t. First off in our delusional fantasies the men in our dreams pick their soul mate the first time out. But barring that. Men are human so if our dream man is divorced then he is divorced. Not hanging onto a bad marriage and boffing everyone he can to get his jollies while his wife cleans up the mess. Cause make no mistake there will be a mess. A big one I would imagine. Bad marriage is messy. Sex is messy. Hell even life is messy. Of course the woman is not to blame. Women who ‘do’ married men. Talk about betraying the sisterhood. That’s all I’m gonna say on that.
Why did these two unknown people bother me? Because they shook my faith. Made my idealistic version of true love fall off of the pedestal where I’d carefully placed it. Make no mistake about that. I know I built probably more of an altar to be honest wherein the possibility of true love and soul mates live. Today’s ’couple’ showed me that more often than not we are just lucky to find someone who will keep their promise. Or at least some of them.
That’s one of the things I am enjoying about being a writer. Too much reality is a bad thing. Fantasy is much better. The man is faithful, the woman is faithful. Not because they have to be out of some sense of honor but because they want to be. When they dream they dream of each other. No one is perfect but they love and they work together and they endure. That’s the dream, that’s the fantasy. Naïve much? Yup. Totally. And truthfully I like it that way.