On this Valentine’s day I thought that I would reflect on love (as if I don’t do that daily…haha). Love means many things to even just one person. For some it is easy to say ‘I love you’ to another without thinking twice about it and yet for others there is so much emotionally tied to those three small words that it is an obstacle they struggle with before the words will form.
So here is a question, what makes you “love” someone. I’m not talking strictly of romantic love either. It can be love between friends or family. Is it certain qualities that the person has that you admire? Is it the way that the person treats you? Or makes you feel when you are with them? Simple attraction? Or something indefinable?
If I had to answer this personally I would confess that it is different depending on the person and the situation. Despite my being a “cancer” one of the romantic/touchy/feely astrological signs I am cautious with the giving and accepting of love. It takes awhile before I let someone in past the first layer of my ‘shell’ and allow them to know the real me. For me trust and love are linked. I believe that if you can’t trust someone then you can’t truly love them. I also believe very strongly that there are gradients to love as well as there being different types. The love you feel for your child is very much unconditional, you will love them no matter what even when you may not always “like” their attitudes. If you were raised in a loving environment as a child, you may even feel that you love your parents and possibly siblings in a similar manner. Friends are different than that. But once in a while we are gifted with a special someone whom we feel as close to as a sibling, we love and care about him/her and want the best for him/her. Lovers/husbands/wives reside in a completely different category. Here is where the gradient comes into play. I think that we are all capable of a deep love bordering on unconditional for our lover or spouse. But I also believe that for that kind of love to occur both parties must be willing to open themselves to that level of feeling. This is the sticky part. In my experience it seems that not everyone is capable of this, or maybe it is that they don’t believe that they are capable, or maybe it’s that a deep level of love is simply not necessary for the average person to be happy. I marvel at the concept of not wanting more actually and wish that I too could be happy with surface to moderate feelings of love.
The whole process once in motion can be quite simple…Two people meet, are attracted to each other, get to know one another and see that their good characteristics outweigh their bad, they fall in love, become lovers or get married or both. Occasionally he/she will do something special for the other that makes that person feel “loved” and as long as this play happens between the two of them they remain happy. It sounds ideal and easy.
Taking it further, we have the concept of true love or soul mates (and yes Fred I do believe). I am merely speculating when I say that this must be the deepest truest level of love that two adults can share. I often wonder what it would be like to feel free to fully ‘be yourself’ with another person. To have no fear of judgment or reprisal. The possibility of this makes me wax romantic.
So that’s love… or my concepts and reflections of it, for the moment anyway… I think my blog today is more about being a stalling technique to finishing Marrok and Arienne’s story. I like the love that they are building between them. It is a lovely thing.
Does anyone care to share some of their notions on the subject of love? Come on now I know people must have strong opinions about this subject.